Colored Blue

The feeling, so void,
Bitterly helpless and devoid!


The feeling, so alone,
In this cruel world made of stone!


The feeling, so sleepy
Yet wide awake and weepy


The feeling, so tired
Of constantly trying, playing and being wired!


The feeling, so numb,
Weak and wanting to succumb


The feeling, so hurt,
Questioning everything about its worth


The feeling, so desolate
That does nothing less than devastate


These feelings, all so wrong
That help no more than make a sad song!

So, Let Go!

I had a dream. In that dream, I was standing by my bedroom window and looking out. My bedroom when I was growing up. My first home. And I woke up with this realization that the bedroom which was once mine and no longer is, is so metaphorical to everything in life. That small space was what I used to call mine, call home. That space was comfort and it bred with familiarity. That room still exists, just no longer mine. It has been redecorated, to keep up with the times. Everything in that room had changed, the last time I saw it, except for the windows. The windows where I stood in my dream, looking out. That room, when I go back, draw me to those windows. The windows are a remnant of my bedroom while growing up. The last few touches of familiarity the room still holds on to.

There are two things that I can relate this to, today. Firstly, with people. There are people that we grew to understand. People that offered comfort. And vice versa. And then, we drift apart. Going back and talking to those people after a while leaves you with a lingering sense of familiarity. The sort that I felt, standing by my bedroom window. That everything is still the same and yet, nothing is the same anymore.

Secondly, with homesickness. This feeling of homesickness is with a non-existent home in many senses, since that room is not my home anymore. And while I was feeling this in-explainable feeling, I saw this one scene from the movie Garden State definitely puts to words what I am struggling to express.

Grappled by various emotions today, I struggle to keep it all together. And then, I listen to Let Go, by Frou Frou:

And Yes,


So, let go,

Jump in

Oh well, what you waiting for?

It's alright

'Cause there's beauty in the breakdown


Yes, there is beauty in breakdown! :)





PS: Thanks to Manvir, for coincidentally sending me the movie link today, which happened to make perfect sense for the state of mind I am in.